10.

What’s playin’ at The Roxy?
I’ll tell ya what’s playin’ at The Roxy.
A picture about a Minnesota man
So in love with a Mississippi girl
That he sacrifices everything
And moves all the way to Biloxi.
That’s what’s playin’ at The Roxy.

What’s in The Daily News?
I’ll tell ya what’s in The Daily News.
A story about a guy
Who bought his wife a small ruby
With what otherwise woulda been his union dues.
That’s what’s in the Daily News.

What’s happenin’ all over?
I’ll tell ya what’s happenin’ all over.
Guy sittin’ home by a television set
Who once used to be something of a rover.
That’s what’s happenin’ all over.

Love is the thing that has licked ’em.
And it looks like Nathan’s just another victim.

When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he’s doin’ it for some doll.
When you spot a John waitin’ out in the rain,
Chances are he’s insane as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a gent payin’ all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal,
Call it sad, call it funny,
But it’s better than even money
That the guy’s only doin’ it for some doll.

When you see a Joe savin’ half of his dough,
You can bet there’ll be mink in it for some doll.
When a bum buys wine like a bum can’t afford,
It’s a cinch that the bum is under the thumb of some little broad.

When you meet a mug lately out of the jug
And he’s still liftin’ platinum folderol,
Call it hell, call it heaven,
It’s a probable twelve to seven
That the guy’s only doin’ it for some doll.

(instrumental break)

When you see a sport and his cash has run short,
You can bet that he’s bankin’ it with some doll.
When a guy wears tails with the front gleaming white,
Who the hell do you think he’s tickling pink on Saturday night?
When a lazy slob gets a good steady job
And he smells of Vitalis and Barbasol,
Call it dumb, call it clever,
Ah, but you can get odds forever
That the guy’s only doin’ it for some doll, some doll, some doll,
The guy’s only doin’ it for some doll!

(SARAH)
I’ll know when my love comes along. I won’t take a chance.
I’ll know he’ll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night Broadway romance.

(SKY)
And you’ll know at a glance by the two pair of pants.

(SARAH)
I’ll know by the calm steady voice, those feet on the ground.
I’ll know as I run to his arms
That at last I’ve come home safe and sound.

Until then, I shall wait. Until then, I’ll be strong.
Oh, I’ll know when my love comes along.

(SKY)
Mine will come as a surprise to me.
Mine I leave to chance and chemistry.

(SARAH)
Chemistry?

(SKY)
Yeah, chemistry.

Suddenly I’ll know
When my love comes along. I’ll know then and there.
I’ll know at the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care
And I’ll stop. And I’ll stare.
And I’ll know long before we can speak,
I’ll know in my heart.
I’ll know and I won’t ever ask
“Am I right, am I wise, am I smart?”

And I’ll stop, And I’ll stare
At that face in the throng.
Yes, I’ll know when my love comes along

(BOTH)
I’ll know when my love comes along.

I love you a bushel and a peck,
A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck,
A hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap,
A barrel and a heap
And I’m talkin’ in my sleep about you, (About you?) about you.
(My heart is leapin’, I’m havin’ trouble sleepin’!)

‘Cause I love you a bushel and a peck,
You bet your pretty neck, I do.
Doodle oodle oodle, Oodle oodle oodle, doodle oodle oodle oo.

I love you a bushel and a peck
A bushel and a peck though you make my heart a wreck
Make my heart a wreck and you make my life a mess
Make my life a mess, yes, a mess of happiness
About you, about you
‘Cause I love you a bushel and a peck,
You bet your pretty neck I do.
Doodle oodle oodle, Oodle oodle oodle, doodle oodle oodle oo.

I love you, a bushel and a peck
A bushel and a peck and it beats me all to heck
It beats me all to heck how I’ll ever tend the farm,
Ever tend the farm when I wanna keep my arm
About you, (About you?) about you.
(The cows and chickens are going to the dickens!)
‘Cause I love you a bushel and a peck,
You bet your pretty neck I do.
Doodle oodle oodle, Oodle oodle oodle, doodle oodle oodle oo.

(It says here:)
The average unmarried female,
Basically insecure,
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms,
Difficult to endure,
Affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold,
A person can develop a cold.

You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk,
You can give her a shot for whatever’s she’s got, but it just won’t work,
If she’s tired of getting the fish eye from the hotel clerk,
A person can develop a cold.

(It says here:)
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense,
Shows a neurotic tendency, see note (Note?)
Chronic organic syndromes,
Toxic or hypertense,
Involving the eye,
The ear, the nose, and throat.

In other words, just from wondering whether The wedding is on or off,
A person can develop a cough.

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A
and the bromo-fizz,
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is.
If she’s getting a kind of name for herself, and the name ain’t his,
A person can develop a cough.

And furthermore,
Just from stalling and stalling
And stalling the wedding trip,
A person can develop la grippe.

When they get on the train to Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime,
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime,
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!
A person can develop la grippe, la grippe,
La post-nasal drip,
With the wheezes and the sneezes
And a sinus that’s really a pip!

From a lack of community property
And a feeling she’s getting too old,
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!
(Achoo!)

Ask me how do I feel,
Ask me now that we’re cozy and clinging;
Well sir, all I can say is
If I were a bell I’d be ringing!
From the moment we kissed goodnight,
That’s the way I just gotta behave,
And if I were a lamp I’d light,
Or if I were a banner I’d wave!

Ask me how do I feel,
Little me with my quiet upbringing;
Well sir, all I can say is
If I were a gate I’d be swinging!
And if I were a watch,
I’d start popping my spring,
Oh, and if I were a bell
I’d go “Ding dong ding dong ding!”.

Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I’m learning;
(Chemistry? Yes, chemistry.)
Well sir, all I can say is
If I were a bridge I’d be burning!
Well, I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way that you looked;
Boy, if I were a duck I’d quack,
Or if I were a goose I’d be cooked!

Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that we’re fondly caressing;
Pal, if I were a salad,
I know I’d be splashing my dressing!
Ask me how to describe
This whole beautiful thing:
Well, if I were a bell,
I’d go “Ding dong ding dong ding!”

I’ve never been in love before;
Now all at once it’s you,
It’s you forevermore.
I’ve never been in love before;
I thought my heart was safe,
I thought I knew the score.

But this is wine
That’s all too strange and strong.
I’m full of foolish songs,
And out my song must pour,
So please forgive this helpless haze I’m in;
I’ve really never been in love before.

I’ve never been in love before;
Now all at once it’s you,
It’s you forevermore.
I’ve never been in love before;
I thought my heart was safe,
I thought I knew the score.

But this is wine
That’s all too strange and strong.
I’m full of foolish songs,
And out my song must pour,
So please forgive this helpless haze I’m in;
I’ve really never been in love before.